tisdag 5 maj 2015

Ten Books I Will Probably Never Read

This weeks list theme from The Broke and the Bookish is Ten Books I Will Probably Never Read, and (as usual) my first reaction was "Only Ten?!?".

There are millions of books I will never read, Every year there are almost 500 000 books published in the countries where I usually find my reading materials (US, UK and Sweden). If I were a more diverse reader (I've never read a book from Burkina Faso. Or Suriname. Shame on me!) I would have 2,2 million books to choose from. Every year.

So the most obvious answer to the question "What books will I never read?" ought to be "Most of them."

Here is the less obvious answer, in listform.

  1. Any religious or propaganda texts.   - My beliefs and morals are my very own, and I believe strongly that every person needs to figure themselves out on their own, with no one telling them what's right or wrong.
  2. 50 shades of Anything at all.  - I'm a total prude AND I have a very low threshold for pain. This is so not for me.
  3. In Search of Lost Time.  - Or any other, really difficult and overly ambitious read, that is supposed to separate the Real Readers from the rest of us.
  4. All the Classics that I haven't already read.  - Now that my years as a student are (finally!) behind me, I'm never going to force myself to read anything ever again, no matter how beneficial it might be.
  5. The forth Millenium book.   - I actually find it a bit offensive that they let another author write a new installment of the series. If David Lagercrantz wants to write fan fiction, let him, but don't pretend that this is book number four. An author's characters dies with him or her. Show some respect.
  6. Any book written solely to make lots of money.  - There are lots of bestselling page-turners out there that do everything right, with cliffhangers at the end of every chapter and a dramatic curve that looks like it's been cut with a laser, but that have no proper substance to them. I don't want to read heavy pretentious books for the bragging rights, but I also don't want to stuff myself with these McBooks that leave me feeling undernourished and bloated.
  7. Zombie or Vampire versions of any bestseller.   - Again, if you want to write fan fic, go for it, but if you want to be an author then you need to write your own book. Leave other peoples worlds and characters alone! Sure, you can top the charts as a DJ with stuff you've sampled from other peoples records, but you can't call yourself a musician if you don't play an instrument.
  8. Any book that hasn't been properly proofread.  - Life is to short to spend time on something that even the writer or publisher didn't think was worth doing right.
  9. Any book intended to make me feel inadequate in order to make money off me.  - All diet books, parenting books and general self-help books that tries to sell me a solution to a problem that I didn't even know I had.
  10. Any children's book that doesn't show proper respect for the inquiring and developing mind of its reader.   - It is an honour and a privilege to write books and if you think that you can do a sloppy job because "kids'll read anything if it has a superhero or something pink and sparkly on it", then you deserve to rot in the most dreary and remote booth at the book fair.

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